Updating Rowena's Song

Working Title: Don't self-publish your novel if you are in a fear-based mindset.

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Romance and fantasy writers, would you like to work with me? Head over to Book Bound Coaching. Folks that subscribe to this Substack get 10% off their first service. Spots in my calendar are limited, as I’m also writing book two of my romantasy series.

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Writing this post is about as comfortable as stabbing a dagger into my guts. My ego is telling me I don’t have to advertise my missteps with the world. However, I’m now old enough to understand that nagging voice of doubt in my mind is full of shit only interested in keeping up appearances.

The truth is, I screwed up when I self-published my book in three key areas:

• I instructed my layout artist to keep the page count low in order to keep costs low. Years of childhood conditioning around money fears manifested, and I became fixated on keeping my book under 20 dollars even though paperbacks now cost 21.95 to 24.95.

• Instead of carefully reviewing the layout of the paperback, I trusted the pdf would be good enough.

• I cut a few key scenes in an attempt to maintain traditional publishing word counts, thinking that would give me more credibility—never mind the fact I’m in the self-publishing space. The only gate-keeper should be me.

My stomach hurts as I type these words. Its hard to admit the truth. Yet that’s what I crave—the real deal. Give me raw. It’s part of the reason I’m focusing on romantasy. I want to see it all on the page. Launching my book coaching business has only strengthened this desire. Though Book Bound Coaching is still in its infancy, all of the writer’s I’ve worked with have reached deep inside their hearts to find their inner truths. They’ve examined the shadows they discover without judgement and turn that pain into a story that helps others understand their humanity.

It’s my turn to give some of that back to the writing community. Despite being a professional in the writing arena, I made some critical errors. We all make mistakes when our hearts are hurting. Let me start from the beginning.

It took over seven years for Rowena’s Song to go from shaky first pages to a self-published novel. I’m an art historian by training and was most comfortable making power points. But I felt called to give Rowena a voice once I learned who she was and how she had been treated by history.

While most first novels are not written under a deadline, I wanted to finish a publishable draft by the end of 2022. Though my Grandma Esther was in remarkable health for a woman of 94—she still lived alone AND maintained her home—I knew that wouldn’t last forever. Though she preferred biographies, I wanted to give her a copy of my book.

My husband and I refinanced our house so I could write full time. For the month of February 2022, I was the happiest girl in the world. I worked in my pjs, drank Lavazza from my home espresso machine, and ate clearance Valentine’s chocolate. The developmental editor of MY DREAMS, Chersti Nieveen of Writer Therapy, agreed to take me on as a client.

My joy was short lived. One month later, my family learned Grandma had pancreatic cancer. In the Anglo-Saxon world of my novel, the sisters of fate are cruel. Life was imitating art.

I asked Grandma to read what I had written and forgive its unpolished state. She said no. It broke my heart. For the entirety of our relationship, she spoiled me rotten. I’d never heard her turn me down. Not once.

The confusion surrounding her denial hurt most of all.

In one of our last conversations before she fell into a coma, she admitted she had been hiding how sick she was from the family. She had stopped reading around Christmas because she didn’t have the cognitive skills to follow a narrative anymore.

There was nothing to forgive, and yet that didn’t make it less agonizing. If anything it was salt in the wound. This was the woman who taught me to love books and libraries. This intelligent, courageous, independent woman couldn’t read? Couldn’t think straight? Stick a dagger in that salty wound and twist.

She passed away on May 30th. Twist. I hadn’t even gotten my developmental edit back. Twist.

***Pauses typing to hide in bathroom so kid who still lives at home doesn’t hear me sobbing***

Summer 2022 was a dark and lonely time for me. I should not have been making decisions about how to bring my novel into the world when I was in deep mourning and feeling guilty for not moving fast enough.

The naysayer in my head was relentless. If I had written more diligently, if I had hired an editor sooner, if I had joined a writer’s group—perhaps none of this would happened. Grandma could have read my book. I could have beamed as she showered me with praise. Book signings at nursing homes when she visited her friends? Obviously.

Rush rush rush. Wrote and revised and ignored the feels. Travelled to Utah to meet my editor in person and really hone the story. Joined a writing group of fantasy writers even though they didn’t focus on romance—which meant I focused less on spice in my draft than I would have otherwise. Binged self-publishing podcasts, ignoring the bits explaining you should be marketing at least a year in advance. Put the book for sale on Amazon before I even had a copy in my own hands.

And then I got my copy on publication day. There is a TikTok of me opening up the package. Do I love the cover? OMG yes. But the print? I’m too honest for my own good. I blurted out what everyone else is thinking but is too kind to tell me to my face.

The text is impossibly small. I don’t like it at all. Worse, I miss a certain scene I cut because it didn’t move the narrative forward, though it did give the reader an unfiltered view of one of the hot Britons Rowena meets. You know what? Everyone needs more of that in their life. Do the descriptions of Rhys in ACOTAR move the narrative forward? No. Are those everyone’s FAVORITE pages? Almost 😉

This is what happens when you create from a space of fear rather than love. You get unsatisfactory results.

Now that I’ve completed my book coach certification course through Author Accelerator, I see how badly I need a coach—a marketing coach. One who will help me get Rowena’s Song into all the romantasy lover’s hands.

The first step is un-publishing the paperback. Then I’ll open up my manuscript and add back in the deleted scene, and proceed to re-format the pages. Third step? Order a proof. Thunnor’s Hammer Ivy, ORDER A PROOF.

The original version of Rowena’s Song will remain on Amazon as an e-book until the updated version is ready for primetime. Even after the updates, it will be a slow burn, but I’m turning up the heat. If you don’t want to wait to read Rowena’s story, head over to Amazon and grab the Kindle! Folks with proof of purchase of the first e-book will get the updated version for free as a gift for supporting my work.

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