Mastering Showing and Telling in Romantasy Writing
Working Title: Tips and tricks for taking your fiction manuscript from good to great.
Romantasy writers…please give me a chance on this one. I know there are a million articles out there on the importance of showing versus telling in creative writing. Some of them even note that telling is an important skill to hone—even in fiction.
But we can all use a refresher, and I promise the examples in this article will be fun!
Learning how to show through the written word is not a skill that is taught to us as children, at least here in the US. Non-fiction writing—the five paragraph essay, book reports, research papers—are where we hone our writing chops. We tell the teacher the required information to earn a grade.
However, telling must take a secondary role to showing when writing fiction. One reason readers are drawn to story is that it allows the reader to step into the narrative and interpret it through their own lived experiences and emotions. This can only be achieved via showing.
Let’s turn our attention towards the visual arts for a moment to see if you can feel the difference between showing and telling. Let me show you my favorite work at the Art Institute of Chicago:
This is the Allegory of Peace and War by Pompeo Girolamo Batoni. Painted in 1776, this work combines the erotic charge of the rococo with the emerging neoclassical style that would soon sweep through the art academies of Europe. I was told this infomation from the placard on the wall.
Can you feel the difference in how your body reacts when looking at the painting versus reading factoids? The facts help us understand the work in its time and place on an intellectual level. But the combination of line, shape, and color speaks to the heart. There is a tangible tenderness as peace places her hand on war’s sword hand as if to say, “Not now, my dear.” The eye-contact between them conveys a mutual trust. Yet war’s shield covers peace’s vulnerable back and exposed flesh, as if he cannot help but use his tools to keep her safe. They are two sides of the same coin in a world of duality.
Aside: I could stare at this painting all day.
As you write your story, romantasy or otherwise, I want you to master the art of showing versus telling. The goal is to get your readers to FEEL your story in their bones (or other bodily parts if writing romance). Here is your handy list of tips and tricks to help you self-edit that story and take it from good to great. I’ve included examples from A Court of Thorns and Roses and my “first draft” imaginings.
You will want to hone your ability to show in the parts of your story where you want the reader to step into the character’s shoes and/or have a human centered experience. Showing gives the reader space to interpret what is happening through writing that is sensory heavy. If your reader was hooked up to brain imaging technology, the areas of their brain associated with whatever is one page would light up.
SHOWING is achieved through:
Active verbs
Blocking (aka how the character is moving through the setting)
Bodily sensations
Dialogue
Inner monologue
TRUSTING the reader to put two-and-two together
Here is a passage you might find in a first draft:
I walked towards the garden bench and saw pretty purple flowers. I heard someone following me. I turned around to see who it was, but no one was there. That frightened me.
In this pretend first draft, Feyre is walking through a garden. Active verb achieved, but this passage doesn’t go far enough. “I heard” is actually telling, for the reader doesn’t hear anything. “That frightened me” is also telling, because the word frighten on its own does not activate the associated area of the brain.
Let’s see what happens when the above passage is revised and publication ready.
Excellent Showing from page 76 of the original 2015 ACOTAR hardcover:
I approached a bench in an alcove blooming with foxglove when the sound of steps on shifting gravel filled the air. Two pairs of light, quick feet. I straightened, peering down the way I’d come, but the path was empty…
A prickling sensation ran down my spine. I’d spent enough time in the woods to trust my instincts.
Why is this showing so effective?
Use of active verbs. Feyre approaches the bench and peers.
Blocking. Feyre’s gait instantly changes, though SJM never tells us that Feyre is suddenly fearful. She goes from simply walking through garden, lost in thought, to straightening up.
Bodily sensations. Feyre notes the prickling sensation going down her spine.
Trusting the reader. These ease Feyre should have been experiencing in this lovely setting has been replaced by a wariness, though that emotion is never explicitly stated on page.
More excellent showing from page 168 of the original 2015 ACOTAR hardcover:
I wiped at my damp cheeks. “It’s . . .” Perfect, wonderful, beyond my wildest imaginings didn’t cover it. I kept my hand over my heart. “Thank you,” I said. It was all I could find to show him what these paintings—to be allowed into this room—meant.
Why this is also amazing showing:
Dialogue. Or here, the lack of it as Feyre gathers her thoughts, so the “it’s” trails off.
Inner Monologue. We get a glimpse into Feyre’s delight at being allowed into the gallery. The thoughts she has are overwhelming positive.
More Dialogue. “Thank you.”Here she finishes the sentence, but the words she says aloud are demure compared to what she was thinking. At this point she is really touched, also seen in the blocking where she puts her hand over her heart.
Trusting the reader. It is not stated at all on page, but Feyre is falling for Tam Tam at this point. The reader is excited to have figured out what is going on before the characters do. That, dear readers of the realm, is why this book is a sensation.
Telling is achieved through:
Adjectives and Adverbs
Filtering phrases
I thought
I heard
I smelled
I felt
I realized
Passive verbs
Quick chunks of information
An excellent use of telling from page 14:
We dined on roasted venison that night. Though I knew it was foolish, I didn’t object when each of us had a small second helping until I declared the meat off-limits. I’d spend tomorrow preparing the deer’s remaining parts for consumption, then I’d allot a few hours to curring up both hides before taking them to market.
How the telling was achieved:
We are given a quick chunk of information about their dinner. They dined. There is no lengthy description if the meat was gamey or tender, fatty or stringy, overcooked or roasted to perfection.
We are told Feyre declares the meat off-limits through a filtering phrase. “I declared” instead of hearing her exact words or her family’s reactions to being cut off after night after night of no protein.
While not completely passive, “I’d spend tomorrow” reduces an entire day’s worth of work into one sentence.
Why telling is necessary at this point rather than showing:
This information comes after hunting the deer was shown. In that scene, we learn that Feyre and her family are hungry. The reader does not need to be hit over the head with this information a second time.
The meal itself does not add to Feyre’s internal arc of growth, the scene goal, or the overall story question. It is nice to be informed that these hungry folks finally got to eat, but we don’t need more.
Telling us about what will happen the next day moves the story present along in a concise manner rather than boring us with every. single. detail.
Final Thoughts
Anyone writing fiction, romantasy or otherwise, needs to become intimately familiar with showing and telling. Using them at the correct moments in your story will keep your readers begging for more.
However, even the best writers sometimes tell when they mean to show. This is why it is imperative to have a good copy or line edit prior to publication done by a professional (and not an AI program). Stories meant to inspire the heart need a human touch.